THE ARTICLE
Historian Ciara Geasley goes back in time to reveal that before Fifty Shades and the red room of pain, our ancestors were saucier than we might have imagined…
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We might be forgiven for thinking that our ancestors were, well, vanilla, when it came to sex and pleasure, and that the stigma and social shame that permeates female pleasure and enjoyment of sex is a totally new concept. But it turns out, that’s not entirely the case.
I recently came across Esmé Louise James on Instagram and TikTok; a PhD student from Melbourne, Australia on a mission to educate the world about kinky history. Her videos sparked a desire in me that I had no idea I had as a historian, and I was thrust deep down the rabbit hole of kinky history (pun intended).
The world’s oldest phallic shaped toy dates back around 28,000 years. The stone disco stick was discovered in a cave in Germany in 2005. At a hearty eight inches, archaeologists believe that this may have been used for lighting fires, both figurative and literal. Greek pottery from antiquity depicts both MLM (men-loving-men) and WLW (women-loving-women) relationships. There are many stories of Greek armies encouraging their soldiers to enter relationships with their comrades, as this was thought to boost morale and helped to create some of the fiercest armies of the ancient world. In fact, pottery and other depictions of Spartan women often show them with cropped hair, as many wanted to create a sense of “familiarity” for their husbands as they returned from war.
The adult toys of the ancient world may not have been made of the finest hot pink silicone, but archaeologists in China have found jade and bronze phallic shaped objects. Some even had rings attached at the bottom, which has led researchers to believe that this may have been used as a strap on. WLW relationships did not have the same stigma that MLM relationships had at this time, and there have even been double sided phallus’ found in several tombs across China. Furthermore, the intricacy and detail that can be seen on these items indicates that these were important and cherished items. Many believed that sexual pleasure was essential in being happy both in life and after death.
Speaking of the afterlife, also in ancient China, some jade “backdoor” plugs have been found in the tombs of some powerful men. It is thought that these were inserted after death to ensure that the body’s chi stayed in-tact and ensured a safe passage to the afterlife. In 15th century Europe, bedroom toys (more likely a barn, but you know what I mean), for women were widely sold at markets across the continent. However, when the sale of these items was banned in 1670, peasant women began to craft their own from various materials, wood (the kind that comes from a tree) being chief among these. One can only imagine the splinters.
The church, of course, alarmed at the popularity of this trend, sought an outright ban on the use of these intimate objects. And likened female masturbation to heathenism, paganism, devil-worship etc… but of course these women had the same needs as the rest of us, so many turned to household items to get the job done. Sweeping brushes, or brooms, being some of the more popular. Many of the women arrested for their crimes of passion were accused of being a Witch, leading to the popularisation of the image of witches, “riding” brooms. Is it any wonder then, why witches are always depicted to be smiling and cackling?
It wasn’t just peasant women chastised for their self care routines. Catherine the Great, Empress of Russia, who is perhaps best known for apparently having relations with her favourite horse, was very open about her femininity and sexual prowess. Taking many lovers throughout her later years and infamously writing at her dismay that her husband had more interest in his toy soldiers than her sexually. After his death she was a free agent, some say she took as many as 22 lovers, realistically it was closer to 12.
Her chambers even contained a highly secret “erotic cupboard”, think Christian Grey’s red room, but with 18th century Russian opulence. The cupboard contained objects for her pleasure, special chairs and tables, decorated with images of male and female body parts. But of course, like many powerful women throughout history, rumours of her risqué antics both fictitious and truthful plagued her during her life and the two centuries following her death. Whoever said history was just for boring and dusty old men? This is just a drop in the ocean of a fascinating topic, and shows us that our ancestors had the same needs, wants, desires and kinks as we do.
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